Thursday, August 25, 2011

Opening The Box ~ Sorting Rquired

Back to the box for more sorting I go. I’m determined to surface scan the letters and quickly place it the appropriate stack by case to avoid tangential thoughts pulling me away from my task. I’m counting five so far but scanning tells me there is more here than even I imagine. Some letters contain only court filed case documents that update this case or that. Filtering quickly to words referring to plaintiff and defendant and appeal becomes rote. 
Damn, hidden in amongst the letters were medical records. ‘Don’t open it’ is my first thought. I’ve looked at it before. I would not see anything that I had not read before.  I sit quietly for some time just holding the envelope. 
Dr. Curtis, I remember the name now that I scanned the first page. 
Stop… put it down… choose not to go there today. 
I visualize Bill’s handwritten note ”Stop doing what you are doing; by definition you will be doing something different.” 
Focus on sorting. It's all I can do to put it down on the thinnest stack. I feel a pull toward the mystery, do I remember everything that happened to me? NO. Is it important now? NO. Putting it down. 
What is important is confirmation of my truth. Yes, I was battered and bruised and scarred for life. I am sad that this burden must always be carried by me.  You made me think I was the one at fault - guess that is the most difficult part - it was NEVER my fault!
There will be a time when I will be able to share the details, but not now. It's too personal, still.
Sifting becomes easier once I start recognizing names: Jim - criminal, Duncan - civil, Rob - estate, Wanda - civil, Joe - Senator, whoa, wait, he's not an attorney. There are more letters like these... hmmmmm... separate category all together... legislative effort. 6 stacks so far. Geeeeez. Overwhelming.

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