Saturday, October 20, 2012

My Scarlet Letter ~ Forever Scars

So, explanation time. The last several posts have solidified the symbolism for My Scarlet Letter threads ~ these are the feelings and emotions left behind ~ the hidden scars from child sexual abuse.  
In my opinion, reversing this scarring is one of the most difficult challenges facing a survivor. My hope is that I am able to continue to share the emotional barriers that I have recognized.  The scars never go away.  
Some feelings I saw as brand new: I'd never experienced these before recovery.  Well, let me be a little more clear ~ some feelings I don't recall having ever felt before starting to heal.  At some point I will find the notes about the first day I felt happy ~ and My Scarlet Letter will include a positive thread. I know that because I feel happy some days now. Once I discovered what it meant 'to feel happy', I found I rather liked it.  

Until then:

    - - - Forever Scars - - -
I can't help thinking  as I lie here,
holding tightly to a red teddy bear;
how scared, angry and anxious I feel,
returning to the time with pain everywhere.

A familiarity is sensed from darkness,
dreams of confusion, chaos and such;
emotional upheaval adds to this mess,
with one demand, "get undressed".

Why in explaining, do I scribe this way?
the flow to the sound of iambic penta-
meter, keeps my thoughts astray,
a poem takes form and describes past days.

Ggr

Thursday, October 18, 2012

My Scarlet Letter ~ Love Rains Painful

lonely days of desperation,
guidance is intended;
through ignorance and selfishness
their kind of love is painful.

nights fill with grave fear
of some unknown to come;
this kind of "love"
makes not a good home.

memories are dark,
few wonderful,
as i look back and reflect,
love rains painful.

Ggr 
Feb-24-1992

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

My Scarlet Letter ~ Hope Always

                                            ALONE

                 Alone, we all enter this life
                         Into a world of turmoil and strife;
                 We struggle and fight with all our might,
                         To survive the hardships we must smite.

                 Valleys of low, passing mountains so high,  
                         It is a wonder I have gotten by;
                 My inner strength holds the key,
                         And with HIS help, I overcome and be,

                                                ME! 

Ggr ~ October 1, 1992

Sunday, October 14, 2012

My Scarlet Letter ~ Family Love?

Fear of truth holds me back,
Support to release secrets is what I lack;
Family love forms the home,
So why do I feel so alone?

Security is what is supposed to exist,
Safety from harm at its best;
When those feelings are not there,
Trust is gone, and I don't care.

Ggr "apparently I was in a rhyming mood!"